Embracing Matrescence: Understanding Your Journey into Motherhood

Aug 9

4 min read

Updated: Sep 7

What is Matrescence?

Have you ever heard of the word ‘matrescence’? Neither had I. It comes from Latin and describes the physiological and identity transition into motherhood. In 2026, searches for this word increased by 5000% following a major awareness campaign by Peanut and Tommee Tippee (Forbes).

After welcoming your bundle of joy, have thoughts like, “I don’t know who I am anymore after having a baby,” or “Who am I after becoming a mother?” crossed your mind? If so, you’re far from alone. It’s completely normal to feel this way. Research suggests that 52-65% of women report a loss of identity after giving birth (Yahoo Life).

Before you became a mum, you were just you. Perhaps you had a partner, a pet, a job, or a home. You enjoyed Friday nights out with friends or lazy Sunday lunches with family after a walk with the dog. Leaving the house was simple. You just put on your shoes, grabbed a jacket, and went. Then, you have a baby. Suddenly, you’re thrown into a world where you feel like you don’t matter anymore. This tiny, demanding, non-communicative being takes up all your time.

You’re on maternity leave, your social life has taken a nosedive, and the dog hasn’t been walked for days. Leaving the house becomes a military exercise, involving checklists and more bags and clothes than you used to take for ten days all-inclusive in Mallorca.

The Concept of Matrescence

Let’s take a moment to explore the concept of matrescence (pronounced MAY-truh-sens). Coined by Dana Raphael in the 1970s, it describes the massive transformation that comes with becoming a mother. It’s often compared to adolescence. Just as adolescence doesn’t happen overnight, matrescence is a gradual process.

When a baby is born, a woman becomes a mother physically within a day. However, psychologically and emotionally, this transition can take months or even years. In effect, you are the woman you lost in motherhood.

The Woman I Lost in Motherhood

There is a huge element of co-existing feelings. You might think, “I love my baby, but I miss my old life,” or “I love my baby, but I miss my pre-baby body.” There are feelings of joy, but also feelings of grief. The transition from woman to mother is not linear. It can be a mix of grief, joy, resentment, fear, hopelessness, happiness, and exhaustion all at once!

Matrescence gives women a language for that “What has happened to me?” feeling. You haven’t necessarily lost yourself; you’re finding someone new while integrating the old you along the way.

As women and mothers, we are incredibly strong. We’re resilient to the nth degree. We can put on the strongest of faces in front of our children, even if inside, we’re falling apart. That makes us modern-day superheroes, in my opinion.

My Personal Identity Emotions

I’d like to share some of my personal feelings and emotions around my identity after having a much-longed-for baby. In previous blogs, I’ve touched on how (I say lucky) my wife was to have two positive pregnancy tests, two relatively straightforward pregnancies, and two beautiful baby boys that I am proud to call my sons.

Unfortunately for me, I was one of the 1 in 4 whose pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and I went through that twice. When I got pregnant for a third time with my now 7-month-old daughter, Blake, I was robbed of the joy. You see two lines on a test, and instead of screaming with excitement, you prepare your heart for miscarriage number three.

The Journey of Hope

As my pregnancy progressed and things went well, I allowed myself to believe that I was going to have a healthy baby. After all that fear and trepidation, surely I was going to feel nothing other than joy, happiness, and motherhood confidence. How wrong was I!

I felt hopeless. My wife seemed more natural with our newborn. I wasn’t overflowing with joy. I resented not being able to sleep through the night. I hated my postpartum belly, and my hair was falling out at a rate of knots. I loved her, but I didn’t love her. If you know what I mean?

I felt so ashamed of these feelings that I actually had days when I wished I hadn’t had her. Typing that now makes me feel sad because I absolutely adore her and can’t imagine life without her. I’m sharing this here so that if you feel the same, it’s okay. You will get through it, and you will feel like you again.

Life has settled down a bit. I’ve eased into being a mother of two under three years old, and I’m learning to balance my time between my toddler and my baby.

Finding Balance in Motherhood

Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t be ashamed to share your thoughts and feelings with people you trust. Being a mother is tough, but as a woman, you’re tougher.

I’d like to leave you with one of my favourite pieces of writing about being a mother.